


Zadash to Rexxentrum

by rainier_day



Series: Take Me Out [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Drabble Collection, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-07-21 06:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainier_day/pseuds/rainier_day
Summary: Drabbles of the Mighty Nein making their way to their next destination.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any requests or prompts, please feel free to send them to me!

“So how should we do this?”

They’re all sitting in a circle in a field off the side of the road with a single yellow fruit between the eight of them. After a night of extreme drinking at Fletching and Moondrop’s, they had a bittersweet farewell in the morning where Bo decided to gift both him and Yasha with one of his mangoes. 

Although a little small to be shared between eight full grown people, the one they had split earlier was sweet and juicy and tasted of some distant tropical paradise they could only dream of in the Empire. And this one looks just as delicious—perfectly ripe yellow skin with a hint of red. It’s not hard to understand why Bo kept throwing his coin at the stuff and hovered so protectively over his stash like a dragon and their hoard.

“Well, this one’s yours, dear,” Molly tells Yasha. “You decide what you want to do.”

She looks around at the group, who are all eyeing the fruit with varying degrees of hunger and desire. “I mean, we’re all travelling together so I want to share it, you know?”

“It’s too bad the pit takes up like half the fruit,” Beau mutters. “That shit’s delicious.”

Jester perks up. “We should fight for it!”

“Now, hang on,” Fjord and Caleb both start, “that may not be the best idea—”

Nott leans forward and shouts, “Bring it! Me and Caleb, we’ll kill all of you!”

Before anyone else can protest, Molly grins and picks up the mango. “Alright, if we’re going to do this, let’s put this little guy somewhere safe.” Walking back over to their cart, he puts it there with the rest of their belongings before unsheathing both his swords. “So how should we do this?”

“You guys have fun. I’ll keep an eye on our things,” Caduceus says with a calm smile.

“Don’t worry, Deucy, we’ll share some with you after we win,” Jester exclaims, summoning a swarm of little unicorn around herself.

Caduceus smiles. “That’s awfully kind of you. Thank you.”

They immediately split off into their respective teams and take off running at one another. Although initially reserved about this idea, Caleb raises a hand and a bolt of fire goes flying through the air at Molly. The tiefling grins and rolls out of the way and charges forward. “Why, Mister Caleb, if you wanted to spar you could’ve just said so.”

Caleb lets loose another bolt before pulling his daggers out. “If you would like, Mister Mollymauk, should I use magic this time?”

Crimson eyes widen with delight. “Oh, _please do_. You know I love it when you use your magic.”

Behind them, Nott fires off a crossbow bolt at Fjord, who ducks out of the way and retaliates with magic. “Gotta do better than that! Eldritch blast!”

Yelping, the goblin leaps back and scowls and fires another shot. “Bastard man!”

Meanwhile, both Beau and Jester are running at Yasha as she draws her sword. “Let’s flank her! That’s like our only shot at winning,” Beau shouts, dashing forward. 

“Is this really a good idea?” Yasha asks, her brows furrowed in hesitation.

“Don’t worry, me and Caduceus can heal everyone after!” Jester reassures her. “We’re really good healers, you know?”

Yasha nods. “Okay, if you say so.” Letting go of her sword with one hand, she reaches out and grabs Beau by the arm and tries to throw her back.

Eyes wide, Beau screams, “Holy shit! Jes, save me!”

Running forward to catch her, Jester shouts, “I got you!”

As the Mighty Nein are busy sparring, Caduceus’s ears perk up as he turns to the cart and shakes his head. “Oh dear. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

The figure lurking near the back of the cart stiffens, the mango in their hand. Suddenly, their eyes fill with black and a bolt of fire hits them square in the chest, knocking them down. There’s the sudden boom of thunder and Fjord appears next to them with a menacing growl. “You should return that, _friend_.”

The bandit shrieks in horror and drops the mango and scrambles back, quickly regrouping with the rest of his group. 

Joining Fjord’s side, Molly picks the fruit back up and chuckles. “Oh man, it is _not_ your lucky day, fellas.”

“Who the fuck are you!?” the supposed leader of the bandits shouts.

“No one of importance,” Caleb mutters, readying another spell.

Just then, a crossbow bolt strikes the bandit leader dead as Beau sprints at them with a grin. “We’re the Mighty Nein, motherfuckers!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a day on the road

It’s been a slow day on the road and after sitting at the front of their cart as lookout for a while, Caleb hears soft voices in the back and glances back. Molly and Jester are sitting and watching the scenery idly roll by. Their tails are entwined like a pair of cats and they’re quietly talking amongst themselves in Infernal.

Nearby, Nott is tinkering with her crossbow and Beau is attempting to meditate. Fjord is studying his falchion while Yasha is carefully adding her latest floral acquisitions to her book.

After a few minutes, he stretches and he leans back and asks, “Fjord or Beauregard, would you mind trading with me? I would like to get some reading done.”

“Sure, I’ve got you,” Fjord says. The sword disappears and he crawls up to the front to join Caduceus.

Moving to the back, Caleb goes toward the back where the tieflings are and takes a seat. He pulls out one of his books. It’s written in Draconic so he softly mutters an incantation into the pages to make the words comprehensible. 

With the completion of his spell, he suddenly hears, “...just miss my mom sometimes, you know? She’s so far away and I’ve never been away like this before.”

Caleb glances over at Jester and panics a little, wondering if he should drop the spell. Molly gives her a light nudge. “Me neither. That circus is all I’ve ever known. It’s easier with Yasha here but it’s weird leaving them. At least you can still talk to your mom, right?”

Jester nods. “Yeah, I can and I do, but it’s not the same.”

“I imagine not,” Molly agrees. “You’ll get to see her again. We’ll both get to see our families again, probably.”

“Only probably?”

Molly chuckles and shrugs. “I’m not making any promises I can’t keep. What if it’s binding? But, we’ll probably see them again, Jester. And until then, if you ever miss talking to another tiefling, I’m here, okay?”

Smiling, Jester leans against him and nods. “Okay. If you ever want someone to do circus tricks with you and Yasha, me and Beau definitely want to try.”

Arching a brow, Molly turns his head and asks, “Yeah? Wanna learn how to juggle?”

“ _Yes_!” Caleb quickly buries his face behind his book as Jester whirls around and asks in Common, “Does anyone have anything I can juggle with!?”

“I might have something,” Caleb says, reaching into his pocket. 

Catching his eye, Molly smiles warmly at him and he shrugs sheepishly back. In Infernal, the tiefling asks, “Did you wanna learn too?”

“ _I don’t know what you are saying_ ,” he replies in Celestial.

“ _Oh_ ,” he hears and turns to see Yasha staring at him with surprise, “ _I haven’t heard that language in a while_.”

Caleb shrugs. “ _It is not a language commonly spoken. Are you an angel then?_ ”

She shakes her head. “ _No, not so much._ ”

Molly pouts, switching back to Common. “That’s not fair! You two have a secret language too?”

“I tried to teach you before, remember?” Yasha points out gently. “I taught you _‘how are you’_ and _‘beer please_ ’.”

“ _Your pear is good?_ ” the tiefling tries to repeat, making a face as he does. “ _Beer please_.”

“Of course you would perfect the second one,” Caleb mutters with a faint smile. Then he retrieves a little penis figurine from his pocket and hands it over to the cleric. “I believe this was originally yours, Jester.”

“Oh, that. I think I might have one too,” Yasha mutters.

Beau perks up and starts rummaging through her pack. “Hey, I’ve still got a couple of those too. Maybe you can juggle dicks!”

Jester practically beams as, one by one, the Mighty Nein all return her figurines to her. “Yeah! Molly, teach me how to juggle dicks!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll have an actual update this Sunday/Monday so that'll be a thing. Thank you for your well wishes and enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

Jester watches the group down ale after ale and sighs to herself. Next to her, Caduceus is sipping on his tea, looking equally baffled by their friends’ choice in drinks and the sheer amount of it. Within the hour, Fjord has staggered upstairs looking pale and Beau is snoring at the table while Nott continues downing drink after drink. 

Caleb excuses himself and Molly immediately rises to help him out the door. If she didn’t know any better, Jester would say her fellow tiefling was perfectly fine. But luckily, she knows what to look out for: flushed ear tips, uncoordinated tail, hooded eyes, and the exaggerated sashaying as he steps outside. Molly is plastered.

After a minute, shaking her head to herself, she empties her glass of milk and gets up and tells Caduceus, “I’m going to go bring Caleb and Molly back in case they’re puking or passed out or something.”

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll keep an eye here then,” Caduceus replies with a smile.

She nods and jogs out of the tavern in search of the pair when she hears murmuring coming from the alleyway that runs along the side of the building. Blinking, she walks over and calls out, “Cay-leb, Molly! It’s Jester! Are you decent?”

There’s giggling and Molly replies, “No, not even a little!”

“ _Mollymauk_ —”

More drunken giggles.

Jester crosses her arms and shouts in Infernal, “Seriously, though, I’m coming over there so you better be dressed!”

“No, don’t!” comes Molly’s instant reply. She’s never heard slurred Infernal before and has a little trouble picking out the words. “We’re holding hands right now and he’ll let go if you show up!”

She can’t help but smile to herself, her heart warming at the thought. “No one’s puking or anything?” she asks, switching back to Common. 

“Nein, we are fine, Jester. There is no need to worry,” Caleb replies, a little drunk but still coherent.

Nodding, Jester takes a step back. “Okay, I’m going back inside but if I don’t see you guys in like twenty—no, _fifteen_ minutes, I’m coming out to bring you back in, okay?”

The pair shout their agreement back.

They come back in exactly fifteen minutes later with Caleb in the lead and Molly grinning happily in tow, both looking tipsy and pleased. From their table where Beau is still snoring and Nott has passed out, Jester smiles to herself and pretends not to see the way their hands are still connected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something to cheer myself up because it's been a rough little while


End file.
